An alcoholic mother

My mother turn to booze after the death of my father. She drinks almost every nite.  I was only about eigth or nine years old then. I was scare and worried that she would end up just like my father. When things aren't right and when she is drinking, my mom would end up quarelling with my sister. So I use to cry almost every nite not knowing what to do. When my mom is drunk and started crying she would just walk out of the house and start walking to the graveyard which was only about 1km from our house. I would follow her from behind trying to keep my distance and she would threathen and say things like "she is better off dead just like my father". It ripped my heart apart because I didn't want to be an orphan. I would cry in silence walking behind her and hoping that she would turn around and head back home. This happen so frequently that as young as I am at the age eight or nine, I have to learn to control the situation. Like I said I grew up overnite...i cried myself to sleep most nite wondering whether my mom would still be alive the next morning. Every morning I would listen to her heartbeat and hoping that it is still beating. I do just that almost every morning before I head for school. Every evening I would check the kitchen cabinet for liqours and throw away some without her knowing on the sink so that she does not consume so much. This happen for a very long time and as far as I remember she was still drinking even in my teenage years. I love my mom but what she put me thru all those years has made me resent her. When I look back, I have a choice whether to end up like her or be someone who makes a difference. I chose to make a difference...